Couples‘ emotional dynamics are influenced by several factors, including the attachment style of each partner, the communication styles, the ability they have to regulate emotions, the external stressors that are part of the couple’s life, and the emotional support or lack of it. Other factors include the presence or absence of children and even the presence of pets in the couple’s life. This last one is often not considered, but recent studies have increasingly looked at the impact of pets on couples’ dynamics.
A recent study analyzed exactly this aspect, trying to understand how the presence of pets can impact, whether it can, the expression of emotions during interactions between the partners. What they found was that when the pet is present, the partners tend to display more positive emotions. And what is most curious is that when the pet is removed from the environment, this pattern of increased positive expressions remains. But what can this say about the impact of pets on couples’ emotional dynamics?
The Place of Pets in Modern Relationships
The findings mentioned earlier may suggest that pets may play a subtle but very meaningful impact on a couple’s emotional life. More and more, pets have been gaining a special place in families. And some surveys show that more than 90% of people, or close to that, consider pets as family, literally. Other studies show that, for some couples, pets are considered “children.”
In one study, the researchers coined the term “peternal” to refer to the relationship between pets and their caregivers. It is important to note that, even when pets are treated as children, this does not mean that people do not recognize the distinct characteristics of relationships with human children and with pets.
Whether or not the pet occupies this role, it is interesting to observe the impact of the pet on the relationship. Some studies show, for example, that people play at doing the pet’s voice in moments of tension or moments of discussion.
They create specific voices for the animal and use this playful way to interact in different moments. Some may adopt this approach to express ideas that, maybe, it would be difficult to express directly, even without realizing it consciously. Such behaviours may break the tension in difficult moments. Possibly, these playful voices help to bring a more caring and affectionate communication pattern and to reestablish the emotional balance of the relationship during conflicts.
Rethinking the Role of Pets in Couples’ Relationships
Although more studies are needed, for couples with a pet, trying to pay attention to the behaviour patterns that happen when the animal is present can be an interesting practice. By doing so, they may learn more, not only about the relationship with the animal, but also about the impact on their own relational patterns in the presence of this third element.
When I say third element, it is not in a negative sense, but in the sense of considering that the pet participates in this relationship in a very active way. This might involve the pet approaching one partner, or both, in moments of tension. Noticing these moments can offer important insights that help partners communicate more effectively. At the same time, this perspective may help couples reduce conflict in the everyday moments they share.